Mover's Lament

Spring is altogether the worst time for me to consider moving from this place. Granted, there are a dozen good reasons, and several flimsy ones, for me to do so; but all those reason existed over the winter, and that would have been the time to make the leap. Now everything is budding up and blooming: the apple tree, grafted with three different varieties of apples, has that certain complexion that it gets this time of year, whispering promises of bumper crops that will last from lat spring to early winter. I always have both the earliest and latest apple crops of anyone I know. The asian pear is filling out so nicely this year, and coming into it's own. Thr fig tree in front yard is already making noises about the first of the two crops of sweet, decadent fruit it will produce this year; if I move on schedule, I will miss both harvests. The raspberry canes, which had their first crop just last year, are bursting forth with new growth and spring leaves, all fresh and new and brimming with both the memories of last years crop, and hints of an even better one this year, the grape vines are just beginning to stir and shake off the winters dormancy, like the raspberries, they had their first harvest last season, after years of tender nurturing, how can I leave now when I am literally just beginning to see the fruits of my labor?

The wide expanse of sunny garden space beckons, mocking the postage stamp yards I have seen in the co-housing group's real estate search. Even in it's naked, unplanted state, it rivals anything I have seen elsewhere in the city.

Sure, the neighbors suck, the location is too far away from everything else I do, and the rooms are haunted by years of lies, deceptions, and betrayal; my marriages is buried here, along with a number of beloved pets. But here, too, is the herb garden, bursting with medicinal plants, that I put in when I was first learning to make salves and remedies. The fledging native plants edging the Northern side of the house, planted to support local wild life, here too is the soil, black and teeming with furtility forged by my two hands. The walls my son and I painted together. Here is the place I came to believing it to be the place I would grow old. It is just waking up from it's long sleep, to find me thinking of being on my way.

Sure, there are a dozen good reasons, and several flimsy ones, for me to go, but it would be much easier to considier doing so if it wernt spring.

1 comment:

zilla said...

Oh, how I feel for you. I go through this every spring. All winter long all I can think about is moving to a more efficient space in a more convenient location, with the "flimsy" benefit being the elimination of old territory disputes that came with moving into a house where Mr Z and Beanpole were already established. Every spring I see all the work that I've done here, the work that's left to be done, and I promise myself that I can create more efficiency without actually moving into town. By December I'll be wishing we'd moved. By January I'll be threatening to buy a 4WD SUV. By the end of March I'll be glad I didn't inflict THAT on the environment. Some day we'll move, but it won't be until the perfect home reveals itself to us.

The right place will come along, Kyr. Until then, enjoy the fruits of your labor, and maybe do a little cleanse & smudge ceremony to rid any bad feelings hanging on from the previous marriage.